Written by Beau, MSED, BCBA, TRLC, CCST-I, RYT 200
As a specialist in pediatric behavior, I’m here to share key insights that can help you and your young person empower, adapt, and thrive. Here’s what you need to know-
"They don’t listen! They don’t follow rules! They’re dismissive, rude, and defiant!" If you've said and thought this before, keep reading...
This frustration is common—and it highlights a larger conversation about how we view compliance, discipline, and respect in children.
Instead of focusing on what children aren’t doing, let’s reframe the narrative. When we see compliance as an opportunity for collaboration and growth, we create a space where children feel respected, heard, and capable of success.
What Is Compliance?
Compliance, in behavioral terms, is about following instructions to achieve a goal. It’s purposeful and collaborative, helping children learn, participate, and stay safe.
On the other hand, obedience often implies rigid submission to authority, where questioning or autonomy is discouraged.
Understanding the difference between compliance and obedience matters. When we focus on purposeful, empowering compliance rather than blind obedience, we help children develop the skills and confidence to engage meaningfully with the world.
Taking Morality Out of the Conversation
Too often, compliance is tied to ideas of morality—children being labeled as a “good girl” or a “bad boy” based on their behavior. This framing adds unnecessary weight and judgment to a child’s actions.
⚡️ When we remove these labels and focus on actions instead, we open the door to teaching compliance as a collaborative, empowering process. This approach helps children re-learn how to engage with instructions in a way that feels purposeful, rather than punitive. ⚡️
💪 #1 Way To Focus on Cooperative Compliance With Your Loved One 💪
🫶 Shape It Til You Make It
Instead of expecting perfect compliance immediately, use shaping to break the instruction into manageable steps. By rewarding each small step, shaping builds confidence and motivation, creating a clear path to cooperative compliance.
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